Quiet No More

Looking at my computer, I saw that my letter grade had dropped by almost 30%. I scrambled to see if I had done something wrong, if I had forgotten to submit something, if I had missed a day. That’s when I saw it. I had gotten a zero out of 200 on my midterm for my Online Media class.

While Mr. Carwin probably thinks that this moment is nothing more than something to look back on and laugh at, I don’t think he knows that it was the beginning of something bigger that would help me become the person I am today.

When I first moved to America from my home in South Africa, it hit me harder than it hit any of my family members. Before coming to JA, I spent about the last four months of my eighth-grade year at a public middle school. It was an awkward transition — middle school was practically over, and everyone had already formed their cliques, so I felt very unwelcome. I then joined Jefferson at the beginning of freshman year, but by then my self-confidence and ability to put myself out there had diminished significantly. I always looked at the ground and would mumble when I spoke.

That year, Mr. Carwin decided he would be able to get me to confront him if he gave me a zero on my midterm, leaving nothing but the comment “great job!” I marched up to his desk that Monday and asked why my grade was what it was. It took a lot out of me, and while I didn’t understand it at the time, it snowballed into me learning how to confidently advocate for myself. Thank you, Mr. Carwin, for helping me step out of my comfort zone like that.

Alongside Mr. Carwin’s “encouragement,” I was also part of the drama club. At the beginning, I was still very quiet and never really looked anyone in the eyes, but seeing my peers perform on stage with such confidence inspired me, and I knew I wanted to be able to do the same. Ms. Grace has been a huge help in getting me to come out of my shell and become proud of showcasing who I am on and off stage. While it was a slow progression, I have been becoming louder and more assured — even to the point where I am performing in “Once Upon a Mattress” as one of the leads! Ms. Grace, I am so grateful for your patience and love, and for how much you’ve helped me grow into who I am.

If one walks through the gallery, they would be able to see my art on the walls. While at first I was not very confident in my artistic ability, Ms. Garcia encouraged me to join AP Art and to express my voice visually. I have tried many different methods and experiments, and Ms. Garcia has been so helpful in letting me explore and grow. Thank you, Ms. Garcia, for pushing me to do my best even when I thought I couldn’t.

Along this journey, I would not have been able to do it without my friends and my boyfriend. You have been such an important part of my life and the backbone of helping shape the person you see today. I would not have done high school any differently if it would have meant never getting to meet you. Please know that with every step I take, I will carry you in my heart, and I hope we never lose contact — because you are genuinely my family. Thank you for everything!